sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
