real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
