This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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