How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
