then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
