dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
