My sheets look like a crime scene.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
