3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just google imaged poop.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
