look no pants
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You ruined the universe
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
