btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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