One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
