3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no, he came in my armpit
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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