bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
