Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
