i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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