so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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