Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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