Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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