I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
