You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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