You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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