I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
