i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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