Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
