I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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