I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
