so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
