I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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