So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
