so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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