uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
