im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
