You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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