Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
