Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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