So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
