It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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