I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
