I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
