He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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