You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
