The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
