No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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