Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
