Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
