Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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