So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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