member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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