last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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