I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Four minutes until I can fart!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
