Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
