I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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